After several questions in the comments and from people I work with individually, I felt it was time to talk about the dark night of the soul. Several people wrote to me in almost the same words: ‘What am I supposed to do? Nothing feels right anymore; everything is hard.’ I see them in panic. That is why I did the livestream and why I am writing now.
The dark night of the soul — you will also find it as the soul’s dark night or, in English, dark night of the soul — is one of the first stages of spiritual awakening. I have been through it three times. I have also seen it in many who began awakening: some have already emerged, while others are in it right now.
Below I explain what it is, the signs by which to recognize it, what is actually happening within you during this period, and the exercise we did together in the livestream. But first, read the warning below carefully.
Important: the dark night of the soul is not the same as depression. I am speaking here of a spiritual stage from my experience; I do not make diagnoses. Depression is a real illness that can be treated. If you have symptoms of depression — persistent sadness, inability to function in everyday life, no longer sleeping or eating, or seeing no purpose anymore — see your family doctor, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. If you have thoughts of suicide or are thinking of harming yourself, call 112 now or go to the nearest emergency department. Spiritual work can support you but never replaces professional help.
What is the dark night of the soul?
The concept is not new. It was developed in Christianity’s mystical aspect — every religion has a mainstream, but also lesser-known aspects. The person who described it very well was a Spanish Christian mystic, Saint John of the Cross (Saint Jean de la Croix). When I went through it, I did not know what it was. I searched and took notes — and what he wrote was exactly what I was experiencing and what I see today in people awakening spiritually. It is even said that Mother Teresa lived almost her whole life in the dark night of the soul.
Most simply, I would describe it as a descent into the abysses of existence. You feel yourself descending. It is a period when all the conditioning you grew up with starts shaking. In English it is called the Tower moment: like building a house of cards and, at some point, everything collapses. Everything around you falls apart; nothing feels right anymore.
And you feel pain in the soul. A deep pain you often cannot put into words.
Why it happens: the great conditioning and the great awakening
We are light. We arrive here on earth, and then begins the great conditioning — often without bad intentions. It is the mother’s fear, the father’s fear: ‘Do not go there, do not do that.’ You carry sacks of trauma from childhood, and more keeps being added.
My understanding, a few years after my awakening in 2021, is that the soul chose trauma to learn lessons. To rise, you need ‘fuel’, and that fuel comes from trauma. Once you have taken enough and say ‘Enough, this far and no further!’, awakening begins. And one of its first stages is the dark night of the soul.
I wrote separately about awakening as a whole — its signs and stages — in the article on spiritual awakening and leaving the matrix. Here I focus only on the hardest stage.
Signs of the dark night of the soul
Not everyone experiences all of them or in the same way. But here is what I experienced and what I hear from others:
- A state resembling depression. You feel low, powerless, sad. This is where the confusion comes from — which is why I repeat: if the state does not pass or overwhelms you, see a doctor.
- Severe fatigue. To reach awakening, you have passed through a lifetime of trauma and are exhausted. After removing an abusive partner from my home, I slept for a whole month: I woke, ate, read a little, and slept again. I wrote about what such a relationship leaves behind in the article on narcissism and toxic behaviors.
- You cry a great deal. Layers of pain come off. Some you cannot even name; others come with memories.
- Forgotten traumatic memories return — from childhood and adult life.
- Shame and guilt. The lowest-vibration emotions emerge first.
- You isolate yourself. You no longer want to see or speak to anyone. I deleted all my contacts then.
- You fear relationships. After betrayals and karmic relationships, you do not even want to hear about the opposite sex.
- The mind panics. A terrible panic, because it no longer understands anything.
- Breaks and rapid changes around you. Your social circle changes; betrayals come from friends and even family. And often, when you feel worst, nobody comes.
It manifests in the same way in men and women. Its duration can vary: for some, two years; for others, less. For me there were three periods, each lasting roughly between one month and two and a half months.
See the release practices for sadness, exhaustion, and loss of meaning →
The dark night of the soul and depression: why I distinguish them
Someone once told me that depressed (depressed) could be read as deep rest — the soul’s deep rest. This resonated with me because that is how I experienced it: during that period you do so much inner work in the subconscious that you are utterly exhausted. You feel you have done nothing, but you have worked enormously on yourself. It is like a dismantled Lego castle: first you must see which bricks you have and what colors they are, and only then do you get the idea of what castle you want to rebuild according to your soul’s path. For highly energetic people who move constantly, it is a real shock.
And there is another difference, as I feel it: at the end of the dark night, you are not hopeless. You let go of control, but you trust.
Nevertheless, from outside — and even from within — the two can look the same. I do not encourage anyone to remain in a state of depression and nobody asks you to choose between spirituality and a doctor. If you can no longer function, no longer eat or sleep, or no longer want to live, do not wait for it to ‘pass on its own’: see a doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist, and in an emergency call 112.
What is actually happening within you
The false identity falls away
During this period the ego dies — more precisely, the conditioning you took on following life events dies. We all construct a false self, an identity through which we function but which does not necessarily reflect the soul. At awakening, the identity built from birth until then has to fall away. That is why everything seems to collapse and resembles an inner disintegration: you realize you are not quite what you were told.
And it comes in waves. You remove a layer, say ‘done, I am free’, have a few good days — and another wave comes. And another. At some point you get used to it: ‘All right, today we cry.’
You free yourself from anchors like a balloon
Imagine you are a balloon that needs to rise. To ascend, you must remove the anchors keeping you on the ground — traumatic events. To remove them, first remember them, then feel the pain again, cry it out, process it, and only afterwards free yourself from it.
So do not rush. The process lasts as long as it needs to last. Do not blame yourself for not working enough or being too tired. You are in this stage, that is all.
The mind panics, then surrenders
The mind is a stallion nobody taught us to master. It knows only the past and wants to act from the past. In the dark night, it panics for as long as it panics, until at some point it surrenders: ‘Do what you know how to do; I do not understand anything anymore.’ And precisely then another path opens — the path of the heart. If the mind’s panic is the hardest part for you, also look at the release practices for mental clarity.
The heart opens through suffering
Because of childhood trauma, we closed our hearts to protect ourselves. But when you close your heart, you also cut yourself off from light. When it begins opening, the swallowed pains come out — and they hurt very much. I cannot tell you why it is like this, but that is the process: when someone tells me they awakened without suffering, I do not believe them. I once told someone: now I know what it means to cry your heart out.
This pain is not in vain. It acts as a catalyst: every wave pushes you to give up the illusion of control and attachments, including those to toxic people. And at the source of all sources, I found a surprising fear within myself: fear of my own greatness. The part that heard all its life ‘you are not good, you have no worth’ knows that if you begin living your soul’s path, it dies. Something must fall away so something new can come.
At the end: surrender
At the end of the struggle — and the struggle is only with yourself — you end up on your knees. ‘Whatever will be, let God do as He wishes.’ Then come forgiveness and acceptance. You give up the idea that you control everything in the old sense and trust that whatever happens is happening for your good.
One day you emerge from the dark night of the soul. Something has been cleared, understanding lands, new perspectives come. Later, other stages followed for me too — an inner fire burning everything like the phoenix, then the butterfly emerging from the cocoon. But first came the night.
I want Soul Release Practices and Activations (PDF) →
How to get through the dark night of the soul
- Let the process work on you. Once started, you cannot reverse the process. The more you resist the incoming energy, the more you suffer.
- Acknowledge what you feel. ‘Yes, today I am suffering. Today I am not well.’ Stop putting on a brave front. But tell yourself the rest too: ‘This does not define me, and it will pass.’
- Do one small thing every day that brings you joy. Gradually you emerge and the energy returns. Be patient with yourself.
- If you want major changes, make a plan. Those who fed on your energy will not be pleased and may strike hard precisely during this period. In autumn 2021, I spent a month without speaking, arguing, or wanting to be right — and only afterwards did I let the snowball roll downhill.
- Do not try to awaken anyone. Everyone awakens when their time comes, along the path they chose.
- If you are beside someone going through this, what helps most is validating them: ‘It is normal; I went through it too.’ But do not tug at them to ‘wake up’.
- Ask for help. From trustworthy people, from a doctor or psychologist when the state overwhelms you. If you want us to work together on release practices, the individual session is below.
The void exercise from the livestream
At the end of the livestream, we did a connection exercise. You can repeat it whenever you feel drawn to it — each time it gives you something different.
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
- Create emptiness: turn your gaze downwards within yourself.
- If the mind makes noise, tell it: ‘Thank you, but this is not the time.’ Breathe deeply and descend.
- There is a void within you. You can descend into it. You are not alone — the void belongs to you.
- Ask yourself: who is descending? Keep descending, whether or not you receive an answer.
- Observe what energies are within you: whether they have color or smell.
- You are in the middle of the void. Ask: who are you? Who is asking the question? Remain there for a few minutes.
- Return gently, with the understanding you received.
If the exercise unsettles you instead of calming you, stop and return to the room, to your breathing. It is not a competition.
Do the exercise with me
Play the livestream below. The exercise begins around minute 26.
Book an individual session with me →
Frequently asked questions about the dark night of the soul
What is the dark night of the soul?
It is one of the first stages of spiritual awakening: the old identity, built from conditioning and trauma, collapses. The concept comes from Christian mysticism and was described by Saint John of the Cross. It is also called the soul’s dark night or, in English, dark night of the soul.
What are the signs of the dark night of the soul?
Severe fatigue and a great need for sleep, much crying, returning traumatic memories, shame and guilt, isolation, fear of relationships, a panicking mind, breaks and rapid changes around you, and a pain in the soul that is hard to put into words.
Is the dark night of the soul depression?
It is not the same thing, although they may look similar. I speak of a spiritual stage from my experience; I do not make diagnoses. If you have symptoms of depression, see a doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist. If you have thoughts of suicide, call 112 immediately.
How long does the dark night of the soul last?
It varies from person to person. For some it may last two years. I have been through it three times, for periods of roughly one to two and a half months. It comes in waves and lasts as long as it needs to last.
How do I emerge from the dark night of the soul?
Do not resist: acknowledge what you feel, cry what needs crying, be patient with yourself, and do one thing daily that brings joy. You emerge when the mind gives up control and the heart’s path opens: forgiveness, acceptance, trust. And seek professional help if the state overwhelms you.
Can I help someone going through the dark night of the soul?
Yes, by validating them: tell them it is normal and they are not alone. Do not force them to ‘wake up’. And if you see they can no longer function or speak about death, encourage them to see a doctor and, if necessary, call 112.
The dark night of the soul does not last forever. Be gentle with yourself, do not remain alone with the pain, and let light enter a little at a time. Sending you a kiss, and I look forward to seeing you at the next livestream.
