In every live release session about narcissism, I receive the same messages: “I left him two years ago and still feel he has a hold on me”, “why was I attracted to someone like that?” I will answer you directly: a toxic narcissist does not just take away your peace—they take your power, confidence, smile and pieces of your soul. And release work means exactly this: taking them back.
These live sessions are among the most requested because, honestly, it is an epidemic: in the field, half the planet carries narcissistic energies. Healthy narcissism exists too—it is good to love yourself. The toxic kind is something else—it is self-love at the expense of other people. And if you were born into a family lineage with these energies, your life's lesson is self-love.
Below, I tell you everything I have seen in the live broadcasts and in the people I have worked with: the signs of narcissism, toxic behaviours, what remains inside you after such a relationship, and the release steps I use.
What narcissism is and when it becomes toxic
Let us clarify the vocabulary so we stop confusing things. Healthy narcissism means being at ease with yourself. Toxic narcissism means loving yourself at other people's expense: it is a black hole feeding on the energy of those around it. Energy vampirism, as I call it. Its ultimate goal is not to love you, but to drain your energy, confidence and joy. That is why, in such a relationship, you are constantly fighting for your psychological survival without realising it.
A warning: do not throw diagnoses around. Narcissism has become fashionable, and everyone labels their exes. The real ones often present themselves as victims and feed on your pity. Before labelling someone, look at what you feel in your body when you are beside that person.
Signs of a narcissist: how to recognise them
- It begins with a wave. Love bombing: lots of attention, great intensity, very quickly, with butterflies in your stomach and a sense of “destiny”. This is how I see it: those butterflies are simply compatibility between two wounded nervous systems. Real love initially feels calm, even boring.
- They use sexuality as bait and a bond. Sexual energy creates the strongest bond, and during that wave they make you feel they are the perfect partner. Then come devaluation (“you are no good”, “you are worth nothing”) and humiliation, including in bed. Intimate blackmail—“if you do not do this for me, you will not get that”—is energetic torture. It is taboo, and everyone thinks it only happens to them. You are not alone.
- They erode your confidence a drop at a time, consciously or unconsciously, so you remain psychologically dependent on them—that dependence is their nourishment.
- They constantly violate your boundaries. They criticise, intrude, then pretend nothing happened.
- They are obsessed with money and the material world. When I represent people in family constellations, this is how I recognise the energy: money, money, money.
- They pretend to be something they are not. The biggest narcissists pretend to be twin flames or spiritual mentors, because many people searching for their “soulmate” come through that door.
- They play with spells, consciously or unconsciously—and they know very well what they are doing. Do not fall into that foolish affliction of empathy that makes you excuse them. I wrote more about what a spell looks like and how to recognise one in the article on what you dream when someone has cast spells on you.
And a piece of advice from me: give yourself at least a year before saying you have found the one. Stop falling for words: look at actions and listen to your intuition.
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What remains inside you after a relationship with a narcissist
The narcissist leaves, but the programmes remain. Here is what I most often see in people who have lived with a narcissistic parent or partner:
- You constantly justify yourself and live in hypervigilance: scanning everything for signs of danger and relaxing only when everything is “under control”. This is not normal.
- You say “sorry” for everything, even when you have done nothing wrong. It is people-pleasing at its most extreme, and a huge signal to abusers: you show them directly where they can abuse you.
- You make yourself smaller to avoid being a bother: you take up as little space as possible and suppress your needs and emotions so that things are fine for everyone else.
- You associate love with suffering. The programme “love = suffering” is learned in childhood. If peace bores you and chaos feels like passion, you carry it in your body.
- You no longer remember to smile. When I decided in my mind that I was getting divorced, my youngest daughter—five years old at the time—suddenly began to smile broadly. I had not seen her smile before then. That is how destructive these relationships are.
- You live outside your body: you know other people's needs by heart, but not your own at all.
All this is stored in the body—the stomach, liver, solar plexus—because unresolved trauma manifests physically. And if thoughts such as “it would be easier to disappear” ever cross your mind, know this: that is not the natural state of things; it is the trauma speaking, not you. It can be worked through—and for something like this, please also see a doctor or psychologist: energy work takes place alongside care for your health, not in place of it.
Why you attracted them: the wound behind the relationship
This is the part few people want to hear: you did not attract them through bad luck. You attracted them through resonance—someone who did not feel seen at home spends their whole life seeking to be seen. You do not love yourself—not because you were born that way, but because you were shaped not to love yourself. Behind every narcissistic relationship is an inner-child wound.
And the energy exchange was this: you gave light and received filth in return. That is why you feel empty.
And at the soul level, the contract was clear: they would abuse you, and you would learn true self-love. I am not saying this to justify them, but to help you leave victimhood: they will not change anymore—they played their role; you move into the stage where you love yourself. And anyone who writes to me “I am suffering over someone I love” receives the same answer: you are actually suffering over your inner child.
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How to release yourself from a narcissist: the steps I use
My aim is to teach you to work on yourself: it is your energy field and you are sovereign within it.
1. Stand on salt
The strongest forms of release work are done on salt, speaking aloud. Take coarse salt, stand with the soles of your feet on it and repeat the phrases: there is an enormous difference between listening and repeating, because words create. Work daily until your body no longer reacts.
2. Get your oils
Musk is the oil whose vibration removes magic—on you, on the chakras, directly on the salt. You can find it here, and for protection I use Protection Mix: on the third eye and solar plexus. An exercise I often do: I close my eyes and imagine a shower of musk flowing over me, into the etheric body, carrying away everything that is not mine. When divorcing a narcissist, put salt in the corners of the house too.
3. Say the phrases aloud
The basic formula, which you can adapt:
“I reclaim all the power I gave to narcissists. I call back all my love and all my light.”
And some of the phrases I give in the live broadcasts:
- “We had a soul contract: you would abuse me, and I would learn self-love. It is fulfilled. I return what is yours and reclaim what is mine.”
- “I call back to me all the pieces of my soul left in relationships with narcissists.”
- “My soul is not for sale.”
- “I reclaim my healthy boundaries and replace the programme ‘I have no boundaries’ with ‘I have healthy boundaries’.”
- “I reclaim my independence, innocence, joy, smile and all my self-confidence.”
- “I cancel all spells cast by narcissists and programme my field to accept no more spells from them.”
- “All programmes that are not mine, leave me now and return to your source.”
You can work with them generally (“all the narcissists in my life”) or specifically, using the person's name if you know it. Working generally cleanses the whole category; working specifically focuses on the person concerned. I recommend both.
4. Make the energy exchange and return what is theirs
The exchange is the most effective part: you return their energies—all the filth, everything they placed on you—and call back your love, power and light. If you work in consciousness, programme a shower of musk with fire over everything narcissistic in your field, and imagine portals absorbing the filth and sending it for recycling. But be careful: sending it back is not revenge—remain centred in your own energy and return only what is not you.
5. Cut the connections daily and call back your soul pieces
This is the daily work: cut the energetic connections to people who are no longer in your life—and also to those who still are, if their energy is not clean—and fill the space with light. If you continue the relationship, new connections form; that is why they must be cut repeatedly. I have seen relationships that ended more than 20 years ago where the connections were still there. Then call back your soul pieces from all relationships and take time to integrate them. I collected exercises for emotional separation in the article on how to detach emotionally from an ex-partner.
6. Cancel the programmes and transform them through alchemy
This is where the underlying lesson happens. Take each programme and dismantle it:
- “I dissolve all programmes of fear of abandonment and transform them through alchemy into inner security.”
- “I dissolve the programme ‘I do not love myself’ and transform it through alchemy into ‘I love myself’.”
- “I dissolve all programmes of codependency and emotional dependence and transform them through alchemy into autonomy and freedom.”
- “I dissolve the programmes ‘I must adapt to belong’, ‘there is no place for me in the world’ and ‘I am separated from love’, and transform them through alchemy into my right to take up space and into connection.”
And two rights I want to remind you of: you have the right to say no without justifying yourself. And you have the right to change your mind—“I changed my mind” is a complete sentence. If you do something foolish, it is okay; persisting in it is another matter.
7. Take your place in the world
After release work, get your chakras moving—your chakra system should be buzzing. Start with the heart chakra and solar plexus, where self-confidence resides; I wrote about how to unblock a chakra here. And finish as I do: “Yes to God. Yes to life. Yes to love.”
Rules to keep in mind
- Do release work only on yourself. Do not work on other people without their consent, including ex-partners “for their own good”.
- If it feels too much for you, ask for help. When something heavy is weighing on you, do not start alone. And listen for a signal: the ego shouting “no, no therapy, no cleansing” is not always your voice.
- After major cleansing work, rest. Sleep deeply, integrate, eat if you are hungry—the body anchors itself. Cold and shivering are normal: when trauma leaves, cold leaves; get a blanket and take a warm bath.
- Be gentle with yourself. Layers come away one a day.
What hurts a narcissist the most
The question I receive most often has a simple answer: your joy. They are most consumed with envy when you laugh—and God wants to see His children smiling.
Then, your power. Every phrase through which you reclaim independence, boundaries, confidence, money and abundance cuts off their nourishment: when you are no longer dependent, they have nothing to feed on. And it hurts them when you stop fighting with them—stop pouring your energy into arguments. Raise your vibration and live your life. That is what hurts them most: that you exist and thrive without them.
When working alone is not enough
Narcissism has many layers, more than can fit in one live broadcast. That is why I put the whole protocol, with the salt and black-candle ritual, into the PDF guide to complete release work for narcissism. You can also find it in the version with musk oil, while the release rituals collection contains volumes on the mother, father, inner child or abundance. And if the trauma is old and deeply entrenched, combine release work with therapy: psychotherapy and constellations go hand in hand with it.
See all the release materials together →
Watch the live release session about narcissism
If you want to do the release work together with me, stand on salt and start the live broadcast below. Repeat the phrases aloud.
For shorter sessions, also watch the live session of extreme release work for narcissism, while in the live narcissism release session with the audience you can see how I represent the most affected parts of you in mini-constellations.
Frequently asked questions about narcissism
What is toxic narcissism?
It is self-love turned against others: a black hole feeding on the energy of those around it. Unlike healthy narcissism, its ultimate goal is to drain your energy, confidence and joy. Not every selfish person is a toxic narcissist.
What hurts a narcissist the most?
Your joy: they are consumed with envy when you laugh and live your life without them. Then your power: every release through which you reclaim independence, boundaries and confidence cuts off their nourishment—they live on your dependence.
What are the signs of a relationship with a narcissist?
Love bombing at the beginning (butterflies in your stomach reflect compatibility between two wounded nervous systems, not necessarily love), constantly violated boundaries, confidence eroded a drop at a time, devaluation and humiliation, psychological dependence. The sign within you: you no longer remember to smile.
How do I know whether I have cleansing work to do after a narcissist?
Stand on salt and say aloud: “I reclaim all the power I gave to narcissists.” If you burp, yawn, hiccup, cry or feel cold, there is cleansing work to do. Hiccups are a major symptom—“narcissists on a conveyor belt”.
Can I do release work on someone else?
No. Do release work only on yourself, even if you are suffering for someone who is beside a narcissist. You can work generally (“all the narcissists in my life”) and specifically (using their name), always on your own energy.
How long until I feel better?
It depends on how many layers you have—these programmes built up over years. Work daily, rest, integrate, then repeat. If you feel it is beyond what you can manage alone, ask for help: therapy, constellations or a session.
Stop living with only half your soul. Get your salt, get your musk, say your phrases and reclaim your life—smile included. Sending you a kiss, and I look forward to seeing you at the live session.
