‘I cannot lose weight.’ It is one of the phrases I hear most often. The theme emerged from the field several times, and in one week several people came to me with the same subject. When that happens, I take it as guidance: there is something to work on. So I devoted a whole livestream to emotional eating and what actually lies behind extra weight.
What I have seen so far, from all the representations, is this: we generally eat too much to hide our emotions. Weight is most often a symptom of something else. Struggling through one diet after another is pointless if you eat because of stress or nervous tension: the problem needs resolving, and the problem is not food.
Before going further, an important point: weight also has medical causes — thyroid problems, hormonal imbalances, some medicines, pregnancy, and other conditions. If you gained weight suddenly without understanding why, or cannot lose weight whatever you do, first see a doctor and nutritionist. And if eating gets out of control, if you follow drastic diets, starve yourself, or induce vomiting, speak to a doctor or psychologist: professional help is needed there. What I share here is the emotional and energetic aspect, not a weight-loss plan or medical advice.
My story: 30 extra kilograms in a toxic relationship
I have told you before: when I was in the toxic relationship with the narcissist, I carried 30 extra kilograms. I went from 55 kg to 85, and on a short person it shows immediately. I wore sizes 36–38 and reached 48; I ended up wearing my mother’s clothes. I no longer recognized myself.
I ate more and worked nonstop under stress. And above all, I was not myself: in a toxic relationship, neither does the other person leave you room nor are you in a place where you can be yourself. People in relationships with narcissists very often gain weight. If you recognize yourself here, I wrote about the signs of narcissism and release practices for it.
My weight went away without a special diet when I changed my way of being. I stopped working pointlessly and began prioritizing myself. I enrolled in yoga; in the mornings, after taking the girls to school, I got a coffee and walked in the park for half an hour. I started the day completely differently. I am not saying this will be your experience — everyone has their own path — but for me, putting myself first also changed my body.
I take photos from time to time to see how I look. For me, gaining weight is a warning signal: it means I am not well in my relationship or something else in my life. Then I ask myself: what am I unhappy with?
Why you are not losing weight: the weight is the symptom, not the source
I do not give general advice because there is something different behind it for each person: the mother, life, boredom, loneliness. Sometimes I have to move through four or five energies in succession to get to the bottom of it.
I always say that a river is cleansed at its source, not in its delta. If you want to move the Danube, move it where it springs up, not where it is wide. It is the same with weight: if you remove only the effect, the cause remains and brings it back.
What emerged in representations: emotional causes of extra weight
In the livestream, people asked: ‘Cristina, can you represent what lies behind my extra weight?’ Here is what emerged, briefly (without names or personal details):
Stress and ‘I am not happy with this’
One participant gained about 8 kg in five months during a period involving a move, work stress, and fatigue. The energy said very clearly: ‘I am not happy with this. I am tired. Leave me alone.’ To balance what she was unhappy with, she ate — something salty, not sweet. The message for her: change what she is unhappy with and assert herself. And when she feels like eating, ask: ‘Am I hungry, or am I unhappy with something?’
I admit I sometimes eat to compensate for stress too. The solution is to sit down and resolve the situation, not the hunger.
Loneliness and lack of love
Another participant lost her mother in adolescence, and after a relationship breakup gained a lot of weight. She herself felt she compensated for lack of love with sweets, even at night when she woke. In the representation, ‘I am alone’ emerged. Then you are no longer alone — it is you and the food. There was something else: at work she swallowed her words and held back, then ate at home. When you keep everything inside, food becomes the outlet.
I also represented her body and its needs, and the body said: ‘I need friends. I want to go out, fat or not. I do not want to stay at home.’ The body wanted movement, people, life. When things are so connected to loss and abandonment, deeper work is needed in an individual session — and where grief or loneliness weighs heavily, with a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Boredom: hunger that comes from the mind
One woman said that when busy she was not hungry at all, but when free or on holiday she felt like eating. The energy said: ‘I am bored. I want something new in my life, something to surprise me.’ And her body wanted ‘some fun, for goodness’ sake! To move, walk around, ride a carousel.’
This is hunger from the mind, not the stomach. The exercise is to replace one habit with another: when this idea strikes, go and do an activity you enjoy. And prioritize yourself — you are better for your family too when you feel well.
The femininity you do not dare to live
For one participant, something emerged relating to femininity: ‘I do not dare. What will others say?’ Emotionally, her feminine part was around 12 years old. The message was to leave herself room to be a woman, step outside her comfort zone, and dress more beautifully without caring what others say. And to look at what her mother was like as a woman, and the other women around her — she can learn from other women too, not only remain loyal to her mother’s model.
We each have both a fat woman and a slim woman inside — and we can represent them. If you have been overweight all your life, the part that eats has predominated, while the woman who owns who she is has not yet manifested. This inner age is unrelated to the age on your identity card: you can be 60 and a little girl in your head. It happens to men too. It can be worked on.
Identity after pregnancy and the ‘burden’
Another participant gained much weight in pregnancy many years ago and had since kept losing and regaining it. Two things emerged: the need to take up space — ‘as though I do not exist’ — and, when asked what children and pregnancy meant to her, the word ‘burden’, a harder life. Pregnancy changes a woman’s identity; you need to see who you were before and who you are afterwards. Several aspects need work here: you towards the children, your mother towards you, your place. (For everything relating to weight during and after pregnancy, the doctor remains the first step.)
Related to this: the role of woman and the role of mother. I know several Cristinas: Cristina in a tracksuit at home, nibbling whatever she finds; Cristina the homemaker, cooking all day — naturally you eat if you stand by the pot all day; and Cristina the businesswoman, going out, wearing makeup, dressing beautifully, and not even interested in food. We have them all. There needs to be a balance between them.
Guilt about eating and the inner critic
One representation that impressed me most was a participant who had lost and gained weight for eight years in endless yo-yoing. I asked what the weight wanted to tell her. It answered angrily: ‘Stop tormenting us! We have had enough, and we will not lose weight.’
There were two parts arguing: one wanting to lose weight and one wanting to eat and enjoy life ‘without guilt, without judgment’. The part wanting to lose weight abused the other with ‘must, must, must’. I sensed how harsh she was towards herself. And when I asked how she felt after eating: ‘Guilty.’
This is the key: you eat and pour emotional poison over it. If you have eaten anyway, enjoy the food. On Tuesdays I take my children to the theater, and beside it is the best kebab place — so on Tuesday evenings I eat kebab, come what may. That does not mean leaving myself to fate. It means that guilt is absent. If you bring the critic along to every meal, you spoil your joy in living.
Where does the critic come from? For her, childhood: she had been a rounder little girl, and her mother and grandmother kept saying she ate too much. She internalized that voice and continued it herself. I experienced this too: my mother treated me as fat all my life. But the problem was not that I was greedy; it was emotions, the way a child copes with a difficult environment. Today you are an adult and can do things differently. If this wound follows you, I offer my guide to healing the inner child, with exercises and release practices and the complete release practices with the mother.
The whole point of inner work is peace with the parts within you. When the soul, mind, and heart are aligned, you get through anything more easily. If there is an argument inside, it drains your energy — for years I was tired all the time, however much I slept.
I want the inner child release practices + Mix Copil Interior →
Self-esteem does not come from the scales
The last person in the livestream had lost weight and was now paralyzed by fear of regaining it; she ate very little and saw food as danger. For her, gaining weight meant ‘poor self-image, difficulty dressing, going out, being with myself’.
I told her what I tell you: self-esteem does not come from being slim or fat. It comes from ‘I love myself’. It is true that today’s society places great value on appearance and overweight people are discriminated against — I was fat too; I know what it means not to find clothes. But placing your worth in the mirror is not lasting and does not fulfill you.
Something else emerged for her: in childhood there was a rule that nobody could leave the table until finishing everything. This meant food had become equivalent to obligation. The parents believed they were doing good, but if you do this with your children, think twice. (Intense fear of food and severe restriction are also reasons to seek advice from a doctor or psychologist.)
So stop criticizing yourself. Today’s standards are unrealistic, and I think it is very good that some women own who they are. This mattered for me too: when I dressed in increasingly loose clothes, I lost awareness of my body. Clothes in your size, neither too loose nor too tight — it is a state of mind. You eat to exist; you do not exist to eat.
Ancestral hunger
There is another layer few consider: the hunger endured by those before us. Our ancestors went through famine, war, and years of deprivation. These things remain in the lineage. When I worked on mine, that hunger energy was very, very strong. Hunger is a heavy energy.
If only a fridge ‘bursting’ with food calms you, if you always cook in a large pot as though famine were coming tomorrow, or shop compulsively, it is worth looking at this without judgment — of yourself or your parents and grandparents. For those feeling this is the root, I put the release practices into a dedicated PDF, while for the other family inheritances there are the ancestral karma release practices.
I want the Famine & Lack release practices (PDF) →
Questions to ask yourself before eating
I am not giving you a diet. I am giving you the questions that emerged in the livestream and that I use too:
- Am I hungry, or what emotion am I trying to bury? My psychologist told me this, and it is the first question. When I fell in love, I was not hungry at all.
- Sweet or salty? I also learned from him that the more it tends towards sweet, the more it is emotionally driven. What does craving sweets hide? Perhaps the wish to sweeten your life, perhaps something else — it differs for everyone.
- What am I unhappy with right now? Stress, fatigue, words swallowed at work?
- Am I bored? If so, what activity I enjoy can I do instead?
- What does my body actually want? Movement, people, play, rest, nature? When more anchored in nature, you are less hungry for filler.
- Whose ‘must’ is this? Yours, your mother’s, your grandmother’s?
- If I eat, can I eat without guilt?
Do not force the answers. Let them come. If you feel there is more to it, we can work together in depth in an individual session.
I want an individual session with Cristina →
For how you can work with emotions daily, also read the article on managing emotions with EFT and emotional alchemy.
Watch the complete livestream
You will find all the representations above in the livestream:
Frequently asked questions about emotional eating
What is emotional eating?
It is eating not because you are hungry, but to cover an emotion: stress, loneliness, boredom, swallowed anger, sadness. Food becomes an outlet or company. From what I have seen, weight gained this way is a symptom of something else.
Why am I not losing weight although I diet?
If an unresolved emotion lies behind it, the diet addresses only the effect. There is also the yo-yo effect when one part of you wants to lose weight and another rebels. But before anything else, check medical causes with a doctor and nutritionist: thyroid problems, hormones, and some medicines can influence weight.
How can I tell if hunger is real or emotional?
Before eating, ask: ‘Am I hungry, or what emotion am I trying to bury?’ Boredom hunger comes from the mind, not the stomach — if you pause and think, it often passes.
What do I do with guilt after eating?
If you ate anyway, enjoy the food. Guilt is like poison poured over it. Often it is a parent’s critical voice internalized in childhood. Make peace with the parts within you, and if guilt is overwhelming or eating gets out of control, speak to a doctor or psychologist.
Will release practices help me lose weight?
I do not promise anyone weight loss. Release practices and representations help you see what lies behind eating — the emotion, wound, ancestral pattern — and work there. What happens to the body afterwards is each person’s path, alongside a doctor if needed.
Be gentle with yourself. Your body is not your enemy — it shows you where it hurts. Sending you a kiss, and I look forward to seeing you at the next livestream.
