There is a lot of talk about ego in spirituality, often while pointing a finger at others: ‘he is in his ego’, ‘she is in her ego’. I want to talk to you about it differently. I am not saying I am never in my ego — I allow myself to make mistakes too. I live a life just like yours, with ups and downs; it is not all sunshine and flowers.
In a livestream I called ‘Dissolving the Ego in Love’, I did activations and cleansing, and spoke openly about the places where the ego hides best: boasting, the need to save others, victimhood, and the claim to possess absolute truth. I also shared how I recently worked through a shock that made me ‘turn to steel’.
Below I explain what the ego means, how to recognize it, especially in its spiritual form, and what I do to let the ego dissolve in love rather than beat it with a stick.
What ego means (a brief definition)
The word ego comes from Latin and simply means ‘I’. In psychology, the term is used for the part of us that gives us a sense of identity, of ‘I am so-and-so’. In spirituality, when we say someone is ‘in their ego’, we mean this small self that wants to be seen, be right, be above others, or, on the contrary, be the most wronged person of all.
I also wrote in the article about spiritual awakening, its signs and stages that the ego is not a structure of the soul: it forms from childhood so you can play the game here. The problem arises when we identify with the game and forget who we are.
The ego is not an enemy you have to kill. Dissolving the ego, as I see it, means gradually returning to love — for yourself and for others — and the ego loses its power on its own.
Spiritual ego: how the ego hides in spirituality
The most cunning ego is the spiritual one, because it dresses itself beautifully. Here is where I see it most often.
1. The need to boast
Those who have something do not need to boast. Those who truly know how to meditate do it quietly. They do not need to show you how powerful they are, how much they see, or how many ‘bubbles of light’ they can put into your head.
2. Putting images into other people’s heads
When I lead a meditation, I generally do not ask you to see a cube, a bubble, or a particular color. I do that only when we work on something specific, such as sacred geometry. Otherwise, I feel it is more respectful of each person’s process and stage. If you are meant to see bubbles of light, you will see bubbles of light. If you are meant to see triangles, you will see triangles.
True spirituality springs from within you. Someone does not come along and put triangles into your head. It is not the same, and it is not lasting either: what springs from within you comes when you are ready, at each stage.
Please be careful with people who connect you to a beautiful memory, for example from childhood, and then ask you to give your energy to a cause of theirs. That is not meditation; it is using your energy. Learn about energies for yourself and exercise discernment — there are very ethical people, but also plenty of strange ones.
3. Superiority
Nobody should come along, act superior to others, and use that to subjugate them. That is just a pattern of submission and abuse. There is no limit to how many people reach God: all paths lead to God, just as all roads lead to Rome. Some simply take longer.
4. Absolute truth
You will not find absolute truths with me. For me, truths are relative, because truth is round: in one situation it is one way, in another it is different. The ego wants a single rule, set in stone, so it can be right. Usually, truth includes them all.
The savior’s ego: help nobody asked you for
This is a place where we very often deceive ourselves. Everyone has their own soul’s path. If someone has chosen to take a few more detours, you must not get in their way. When you intrude on others to force help on them, that help creates karma. And most often the need to save the other person is about you, not them. Instead of helping yourself, you move into someone else’s life.
I do not help everyone either. I have my own signs. When someone comes to me in despair, saying ‘urgent, urgent’, after 50 years of making only choices that brought them there, and expects everything to be resolved in a half-hour session, I see the victim pattern there. The person is looking for a savior.
The victim – savior – abuser triangle
Experience has shown me that someone seeking a savior usually stays in the same triangle. If you do not save them, they move you into ‘oh, how mean you are, poor victim that I am’. Or their victimhood is directed at life: ‘oh, how hard life is and what a victim I am’. Or they move into being the abuser. Either way, they want to stay in the triangle.
The way out is taking responsibility. Where are you, as an adult, in your own story? I am an adult, you are an adult: I respect you as an adult and ask you to respect me as an adult. Sometimes this shocks people, but it is the healthiest form of respect.
Remember, the reverse is true too. Nobody is asking you to become a hermit and refuse help. We are all helped — I have received enormous help too. It simply depends on where you place yourself: if you position yourself as an adult and do your part, it is more than fine to accept help from all sides. Everyone helps themselves through individual work and, at the same time, receives help.
The broken record
There is another sign I recognize immediately: the person who talks and talks and talks, telling the same story for years. I call them ‘the broken record’, like a tape recorder: screech, screech, screech. There is a lot of trauma there and, often, a lot of loneliness. That is why I sometimes cut the thread and say ‘stop’: that is the story; let us work on a solution.
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My story: how I ‘turned to steel’
I am sharing something personal, because we are all one and I do not mind. A week before the livestream, I received some fairly shocking news and turned to steel. I did not cry. I stabilized my emotional body a long time ago and no longer cry easily. But I know very well that, in the long term, staying like steel is not good.
So I had an emotional release session with a colleague from the constellation course, Mihaela Stănilă, who specializes in EFT — that tapping technique that helps bring out what is in the subconscious. When we began releasing, that steel transformed: it started to flow. I felt nauseated and spat a lot while we were tapping.
And here is what it showed me: even those who work with others need a mirror from time to time. You work on your own too, but sometimes you need someone from outside.
In that work, we reached a childhood scene from when I was eight: a terrible injustice done to a being who could not defend itself, which I experienced in terror. What had happened to me now resembled it. And my relationship with unjust authority came to the surface.
I keep repeating this: what we manifest as adults mirrors childhood. The triangle of Mom, Dad, and you repeats, repeats, repeats. I wrote about this in more detail in the article on healing the inner child. If you too carry a shock or childhood trauma that burdens you too much, also work with a psychologist or psychotherapist.
How to dissolve the ego in love: cleansing with the elements
I really like working with the elements because they are powerful. You can do all the exercises below in your consciousness, at any time.
Water: the waterfall
- Say: ‘I choose to cleanse myself of all energies that are no longer good.’
- Imagine a waterfall washing your head and flowing over your whole body.
- Open your energy body and let it flow.
- Ask: ‘I ask the water element to cleanse me, and I thank Mother Earth for receiving all the mud flowing off me now.’
- Let it come out. If you feel like yawning, that is good — a lot is being cleared.
We are mostly water, and water is alive and has memory. I receive much of my guidance in water. And of all the elements, water has the most forms: snow, hail, summer rain, drizzle, downpour, waterfall, ocean, lake. When you get goosebumps, when you feel your hair stand on end, cleanse yourself and let it flow.
Fire: when the mind ‘gnaws away’
In spiritual awakening, there is a stage when the mind gnaws away intensely, and you feel as though you are burning. At that time, I would light a match in my consciousness and set myself on fire, spiritually speaking, to burn everything that needed burning. If you feel you do not have enough fire, go in your consciousness beside an active volcano and ask it to share its fire with you.
Salt
When you take a bath, you cleanse yourself. About once a month I feel I need salt, and I sense when it is time. Sometimes I make a fire, sometimes I use salt, sometimes I do release practices. Listen to yourself too.
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The love activations from the livestream
After cleansing comes the beautiful part: you fill the empty space with love. Here are the activations we did together. Say them aloud:
- ‘I activate all light codes that can be activated now.’
- ‘I program the water within me to vibrate with love.’
- ‘I activate the vibration of love within me, in all times and spaces, lives and dimensions, and beyond them.’
- ‘I establish the vibration of peace and tranquility within me, lastingly.’
- ‘I, of my own free will, choose to live in peace, tranquility, love, and high vibrations.’
- ‘I ask all wounds that hold me back and still need healing to emerge gently from the subconscious. I no longer hide you in the darkness, in the shadows. I am ready to see you and integrate you.’
When you do positive activations, you usually enter a very, very calm state. Let yourself settle into it.
For me, the last activation is the heart of dissolving the ego. The ego lives on what we hide. When you call your wounds into the light to see and integrate them, you no longer need to defend yourself with boasting, being right, or steel.
We also did an alchemical transformation on the most blocked chakra. For me it is the throat — a whole childhood of ‘be quiet, be quiet’ — and today I see a gift in it, because now I can speak a lot. Place your consciousness on your most blocked chakra and say, for example for the throat: ‘I alchemically transform all blocks on the throat chakra into the power to express myself clearly.’
Merkaba, the vehicle of light
At the beginning, we also activated the Merkaba. We all have it around the body, even if it is not active in everyone: it is the light body. The upward-pointing triangle symbolizes the masculine; the downward-pointing one, the feminine. Close your eyes, visualize the two violet triangles, and spin the upward-pointing one to the right and the other to the left. The Merkaba is also a cleansing vehicle: you can place it on your house, car, or business too.
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Watch the livestream ‘Dissolving the Ego in Love’
If you want to do the cleansing and activations with me, play the livestream below:
We also worked on ego in a livestream with short representations alongside the participants: Short EGO representations.
Frequently asked questions about ego
What does ego mean?
Ego comes from Latin and means ‘I’. In psychology it is the part that gives us a sense of identity. In spirituality, ‘being in your ego’ means identifying with the small self: wanting to be seen, be right, be above others, or always be the victim.
What is the spiritual ego?
It is the ego dressed in spiritual clothing: boasting about what you see and feel, the need to put images into others’ heads, superiority over those who are ‘less evolved’, the conviction that you possess absolute truth, and help nobody asked you for.
Do I have to destroy the ego?
No. Dissolving the ego is not a fight. It is a return to love: you take responsibility for your life as an adult, call your wounds into the light to integrate them, and raise your vibration. The ego loses its power on its own.
Why is it not good to help everyone?
Because everyone has their own soul’s path. Imposed help creates karma, and often the need to save is about you. Help when you are asked, from adult to adult, and let the other person do their part.
What should I do if working alone feels too hard?
Look for a mirror. I too work with someone else from time to time. For shocks, trauma, or states that do not pass, also see a psychologist or psychotherapist — energy work can support you, but does not replace that help.
Do not fear the ego or judge it, in yourself or others. Cleanse yourself, take responsibility for your life, and let love do the rest. Sending you a kiss, and I look forward to seeing you at the next livestream.
