Lack of self-confidence: where it comes from and how to release it

“I cannot.” “I do not know.” “I have no money.” These are the three things I hear most often in live broadcasts, and behind them is almost always the same thing: a lack of self-confidence. Self-esteem is not a whim—it is the foundation supporting everything else. When the foundation cracks, everything cracks: money, relationships, the desire to start something.

In the live broadcast on which I based this article, we worked precisely on this topic, on chakra 3, with whole layers of “I cannot” and “I do not know”. Below you will find what a lack of confidence looks like, where it comes from, what it has to do with the solar plexus, and the release phrases you can say starting today. Everything comes from the live broadcast; the video is below.

What a lack of self-confidence looks like

Before releasing it, recognise it. It is not simply “I lack courage”: I notice it particularly in everyday phrases.

You say “I cannot”

In the live broadcast I was clear: I forbid you to say “I cannot”. “I cannot” does not exist—it is either laziness or a block, and both can be worked on. It is also an indicator: when I hear “I cannot”, I know the ego is speaking. The ego cannot; you are an infinite fractal. I can. And I tell my ego: “I know you could not in the past. Today we are doing this for the first time.”

You say “I do not know”

At chakra 3, “I do not know” is almost never the truth. The truth is “I do not want to know”—a static energy, like a concrete block over your life. It dissolves beautifully with a single decision: “I allow myself to discover everything.” Everything can be learned, in a past life or this one.

You say “I have no money”

“I have no money” is a conclusion drawn from something six months ago. But today you can do something else: why stay in what existed six months ago? Remember the saying: is it a problem or an expense? If money can solve it, it is an expense, not a problem.

You are self-sabotaging

When you do not believe you are capable, you enter self-sabotage: you do not start, your energy goes into “I am not good enough” and worries, and life stands still. A coach or psychologist can come and lift you out of the mire—but much of the work is yours.

You do everything others ask (people-pleasing)

“We are very good; we do everything others ask”—it sounds lovely, but it is toxic. It is called people-pleasing and is essentially another form of “I do not love myself”: I do whatever others want, perhaps someone will love me. “I cannot say no” comes from it too. Perfectionism belongs to the same family: there are no perfect people, just as there are no perfect mothers—and it is not strength; it is fear dressed up beautifully.

Where a lack of confidence comes from: childhood, family lineage, experiences

The root: “I do not love myself”

This is how I see it in the field: self-confidence leads towards “I cannot be loved”, and at the root of that lies “I do not love myself”. Even “I do not act” is a form of “I do not love myself”. That is why you cannot put a plaster over confidence without working on self-love and the inner child—I wrote about healing the inner child with exercises and release work.

The father's energy

The father teaches children that the world is not dangerous, that action is possible, that you can go out into the world and put yourself forward. If you had a passive father or one dominated by the mother, your masculine energy—the energy that acts, proposes and asks—is harder for you. Both men and women have it: financially dependent women have substantial work to do on it, while very strong women need to learn to receive too.

And if you were born into a family of strong women, that was precisely your lesson. Be at peace: you did not take on a lesson beyond what you can carry. You can carry it.

The family lineage and its recipe

Every family has its own soup recipe. Even if your parents were good to you, they passed on the family lineage's patterns: people-pleasing, shame, “that is not appropriate”. Whoever demanded perfection from you in childhood loathed themselves and projected onto you—that perfection is not yours; you return it.

Experiences that took your confidence

Betrayals cost the most: whoever betrayed you took your trust, and you end up believing in nothing—not yourself, not God. I often see another pattern: you manifested from trauma—from anger or despair—things worked for a while, then everything collapsed. Naturally: a construction built from trauma falls apart eventually, precisely so you can build another with solid foundations. Manifestation from “I love myself” is infinite.

Attraction to narcissists comes from here too: you do not attract them because of bad luck, but because you do not love yourself enough—I wrote about the signs and release work here.

Chakra 3, the solar plexus: where confidence resides

In the live broadcast I recalled the whole ladder: chakra 1 is “I am”, chakra 2 is “I feel”, chakra 3 is “I do”. With the first three chakras alone, you function easily in the world, and money is made through them too. Chakra 3, the solar plexus, is the seat of self-confidence: of action, of “I can”.

In this area, at the navel, I see in the energy body what I have seen so often: a black snake or a black thread of trauma. That is how confidence blocks appear in the field—you target them with the phrases below.

How do you feel in chakra 3 when it is clean? Like the sun: whatever happens in front of you, your good mood does not depend on outside events. No one is allowed to rule your inner world. And something simple and healing: sit in the sun when you can.

Money belongs to chakra 3 too, and this is how I see it: a game of catching the ball—where is the ball? Catch it! To learn how to unblock a blocked chakra, read the guide to blocked chakras.

Let us work on your confidence together →

The release phrases I use

Here is the practical part. Say them aloud, with all your energy—and believe them. Let your body feel where the blockage is and push it out. You say “across all times, spaces and dimensions, and outside them” because you are not cleansing only what you remember—you cleanse everything.

The basic formula for action:

“I dissolve all blocks that prevent me from acting and turn them into love, across all times, spaces and dimensions, and outside them.”

For the “I cannot” programme:

• “I dissolve the programme ‘I cannot’ in love.” I dissolved mine into a lotus flower—find the image that suits you.
• “I transform the programme ‘I cannot’ through alchemy with love, affection, wisdom and lots and lots of encouragement, across all times, spaces and dimensions, and outside them.”

For “I do not know”:

• “I dissolve all programmes coded with ‘I do not know’. I allow myself to discover everything.”

For “I have no money”:

• “I dissolve the programme ‘I have no money’ into ‘I am abundant’.” And see, in your image, everything transforming through alchemy into an enormous sun at your navel.

For boundaries:

• “I dissolve the programme ‘I cannot say no’. I can say no firmly because I know who I am.” When you know who you are, there is strength within you. Yes is yes; no is no.

For the power taken from you:

• “I call back all my power from all times, spaces, dimensions and lives, and outside them.”
• “I cut all connections through which my power was taken, dissolve them in love and turn them into abundance.”

And the ending that reaffirms the field you stand in, which you can say every day:

“Yes to God. Yes to love. Yes to life.”

If tears come during these phrases, let them: you are releasing. That is a good sign.

Practical exercises for self-confidence

1. Be your own biggest fan. “I encourage you. Come on, you took a step. Take another.” Encourage yourself exactly as you would a child learning to walk. If you are not kind to yourself, who will be?
2. Cry, then change. If you feel like crying, cry for the child who was not seen. But once it passes, change something: crying releases; change heals.
3. Transfer your abilities. There are certainly areas where you succeed. Take the skills from there and apply them where you currently do not believe you are capable.
4. Decide and act. If you listen to one view, then another, you find an infinity of opinions on the same topic. At some point you decide. This is how it works for me: I get on and do it.
5. Gratitude, not “I do not deserve it”. Have a receptive attitude, grateful for what you have—not in the sense of “I do not deserve it”, but “I am grateful for what I have”. The universe enjoys sending you more; its rule is that the ungrateful lose the gift.
6. Write your “cheque” and carry it. In the live broadcast, we spoke about the man who wrote himself a cheque for the future and carried it until he cashed it; a woman in the chat has been carrying her paper like this for a year. Write what you choose to manifest on paper and keep it in your wallet.
7. Ten minutes each evening. Lie down, close your eyes and take one topic. Ten minutes: sometimes you need even less to feel the energy moving.
8. Feed the black dog too. We all have a white dog—the parts of ourselves we love—and a black dog: the shadow. If you do not feed it, eventually it bites. Feed it: it gives you its gifts and stops erupting.

When it is time to ask for help

In the live broadcasts, we work in layers—and it is real work, not simply pleasant listening. In an individual session, we go deep into a particular problem. One does not exclude the other.

When people-pleasing runs deep, when you attract narcissists, when fears are strong, therapy is needed: the inner child, the relationship with the mother, the relationship with the father. A coach or psychologist can lift you up, energetic hygiene can lighten you—but psychological change remains your responsibility if it is to last: for life, not three days.

Those who had individual sessions with me also received a short list of their work topics. If you want us to move forward together, you can find me for coaching, and all the release materials are in the release rituals collection.

I am booking an individual session →

Do the release work with me

Get comfortable, take the phrases above and start the live broadcast. Repeat aloud at your own pace and let the body react as it knows how: tears, yawning, sighing—all welcome.

Discover all the release materials →

Frequently asked questions about self-confidence

How do I gain self-confidence?

Through action and self-love, not by waiting to “become enough”. Notice every “I cannot” in your speech and dissolve it, day by day. Encourage yourself like a child learning to walk, and take skills from areas where you already succeed into areas where you hesitate. Trauma layers are cleansed layer by layer—but they are cleansed.

Why do I always say “I cannot”?

Because an old programme is running: the ego cannot—that is its role. You can. When you hear “I cannot”, take it as an indicator—aha, look who is speaking—then dissolve the programme and replace it with encouragement.

I am afraid to say no. What do I do?

Work on the programme “I cannot say no”: “I can say no firmly because I know who I am.” And be prepared: when you start saying no, some people will label you. That is a good sign: they were using you.

Can I work alone with the phrases from the live broadcast?

Yes, and I encourage you to: the live broadcasts work in layers. But if a topic runs deep—people-pleasing, narcissists, strong fears—an individual session takes it to the root. Ideally, do both.

Why do I feel guilty when I choose myself?

Because you learned that being good means pleasing everyone. The right order: God, you, your children—and only then the rest of the world. Do not make someone else's opinion another god. The best investment is in yourself.

How long until I feel a change?

It depends on how many layers you need to cleanse: what you accumulated over years is not released overnight. But with your thoughts you create your universe—every day you work is a day you vote for yourself.

Stop waiting to become “good enough” before starting: you are exactly as you need to be, here and now. This evening, take one release phrase, say it aloud with all your energy, and take another step tomorrow. I am here, in the live broadcasts and sessions—and I am your biggest fan. Sending you a kiss.