Before each livestream, I light a candle and prepare the field. I did the same on the evening when I spoke about empathy and empaths, with a reference book beside me, ‘Highly Sensitive and Happy’, which I reread with you. I have been an empath for as long as I can remember, so I recognised myself on every page.
If you have arrived here, you probably feel everything too: the room you enter, the person beside you, the unspoken thought. And you have probably heard a thousand times that you are ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too much’. Let me tell you something: empathy is not a flaw. It is a gift. But, like any gift, if you do not know how to use it, it becomes a struggle. Below I explain what you are actually feeling, why narcissists choose you and how to protect yourself.
What it means to be an empath
To me, an empath is someone who feels energies. All of them. From childhood. You enter a room and know whether things are good there or not, without anyone saying anything. You look at someone and read their state, sometimes even their thoughts. And if you have a lot of feelings, know that this means you have a great deal of energy. The two always go hand in hand: a lot of feeling means a lot of energy.
There are two kinds of intelligence: the kind measured and praised at school—logic, the left brain—and the creative kind, the right brain, belonging to artists and musicians. The great majority operate through the first. Empaths generally through the second. I, for example, struggled terribly with maths, making enormous efforts for grades others achieved easily. I was not less: I was different.
And many of you have children with different gifts that you do not understand because they are so different from you. That difference is not something to fix. It is something to understand and embrace.
Signs that you are an empath
Here are the most common signs, from the livestream and my own life:
- You feel everyone's energies. From childhood. Sometimes without knowing that yours end where other people's begin.
- You read people. Gestures do not lie: someone rubbing their hands means a bad deal for you, every time. A ‘yes, but’ is not a yes. This has helped me enormously in business.
- Your moods come in waves. There may be ten or fifteen states a day. You write poems in the morning, dance at lunchtime, cry in the evening. You are not a single line: you are a whole palette.
- The voice in your head never stops. The inner critic: it is never enough.
- You feel ashamed of what you feel. The programme ‘I am too much’ is the background pain of many empaths' childhoods.
- You have always felt different. You tried to be like your family, but could not, because it was not possible. Conversations bored you; you preferred books.
- You take on responsibilities that are not yours. Not everything happening around you is yours to fix.
- You have become hyper-resilient. ‘Never mind, I will sort myself out anyway.’ This carried you for years and exposed you to precisely the wrong people.
- You search for meaning. Existential questions are your normality, not a crisis. And as you connect with yourself, your senses sharpen: that is exactly what happened to me.
If you have ticked half the list, pull over and take it in: you are not broken. You are an empath.
The empath's wounds and the programmes you cancel
After so much ‘you are not like us’, the empath constructs a false self, a false identity, to please others, receive love and survive—and ends up acting from it throughout life, rather than from their true self. Within the family, the different one often takes the role of scapegoat or becomes their parent's parent. And behind our talking a lot there is, very often, ‘I do not see myself; nobody sees me’: the need to be seen, when you yourself do not see yourself first.
The good thing is that these programmes can be cancelled. Say them aloud, because words have creative power:
‘I dissolve in love the programme “I am too much” and alchemise it into the programme “I love myself as I am”.’
‘I cancel the scapegoat programme. I am nobody's scapegoat.’
‘I cancel the programme “I do not trust myself” and replace it with “I own my gifts”.’
‘Dear old self, thank you for helping me survive. The time has come to discover who I truly am.’
If you have not worked on these topics before, it is normal to cry as you say them. That is the release; that is the healing.
I want to work on these wounds in an individual session →
The waves: how to organise your energy
The first lesson an empath learns concerns the waves. When you are riding high, know that you are simply up high and will come down at some point—so while you are high, go all out: work, create, do things. When you are low, know that this is temporary—and then do not force yourself: rest.
The second lesson: your energy needs to be used. I need at least three projects running in parallel. Energy that is not moved, used or passed on stays inside you and harms your body. I pass on the guidance I receive for precisely this reason: if I keep it to myself, I do not feel well.
The book I mentioned has an image that made me laugh to myself because it is exactly right: the empath is a Ferrari whose driver has not yet learned how to handle it. You go from one fence to another at speed. The Ferrari needs specific fuel and meticulous maintenance—which means, above all, time with yourself. And no, a Ferrari has no business on a country track.
And another thing: your body is your castle. Move it. Dancing, yoga, walking while singing—yes, singing as you walk down the street is legal, even if it bothers some people more than much less healthy habits. On the energy side, our sacral chakra—the chakra of pleasure and creation—is often small because of our upbringing, while the heart chakra is large, which is not balance. You can set it in motion by visualising the colour saffron below the navel and letting the body move. And the third chakra, of confidence, is nourished when you express yourself: what is expressed no longer puts pressure on you. If you want to understand this system better, I have written a guide to blocked chakras.
And a little secret of mine: I know that five coffees or more take me too high. Get to know your own dose.
Why narcissists choose you
Let us be clear: narcissists' preferred victims are empathetic people, because we have the most energy of all types of people. Every relationship has a balance: they lack empathy; you compensate a great deal. The problem is that, in the long term, you become empty, and they never fill up anyway, because nobody can fill another person.
And they catch us precisely through love bombing: they lift you high on the wave, into maximum dopamine, and catch you there.
I learned all this after my divorce, when a real circus began and I discovered whom I had been living with. At a specialist psychologist's, I heard the hardest and most healing words: use your energy for yourself, not for others—because you are running away from yourself. And when he told me I was emotionally gifted, when I had believed myself the least gifted, something broke and healed at the same time. If you are now beginning to discover that you are an empath, get ready: everything you have not lived through for years comes to the surface; the first period is like a tsunami, then you learn to manage it. I have written more about patterns of narcissism and toxic behaviour in the dedicated article.
I look with you at what you carry in your field, in a session →
How to protect yourself: protection steps for empaths
Empathy without boundaries becomes exhaustion. Here is what I do, step by step.
1. Learn to close your field
You feel everything, but not everything needs to enter you. Manage your energy body: learn to close it in crowded places or around difficult people, and alchemise the energies coming towards you instead of collecting them. At home, light a candle—white has the highest vibration; red is for protection. I have explained the techniques in the article on spiritual defences.
2. Check the thought: yours or not?
We are intensely connected and pick up thoughts that are not our own. Learn to ask yourself: is this my thought, or is it external manipulation? Empaths naturally resist believing that people can deliberately do harm. They can. Do not become paranoid; simply do not give the devil what God gave you. And if you feel it is more than a foreign thought—that spiritual workings are involved—the signs are in the article on what you dream when someone has cast spells on you.
3. Step out of fusion
You connect completely: you have been in the other person's field and felt their experiences more deeply than they did themselves. That is why breakups tear you apart and why a relationship with an empath can become like a drug for the other person. Knowing how to detach is emotional maturity: if you stay merged all day, you are no longer in your own energy. Set boundaries—and do not intrude on people with your gift; use it responsibly.
4. Do not take on what is not yours
Stop making a sport of saving others and compensating for those who do not feel. Not everything experienced by the people around you is your responsibility.
5. Use your energy in creativity
Paint, dance, write, sew. Yes, sewing: many of my clients returned to it in adulthood and it did them good. Your energy is a spring that needs to flow through something. In my protection routine I also use MUSC oil and Protection Mix —they help me keep my field clean and closed when I work with people.
I am getting the protection oil for my field →
6. The evening exercise
When you lie in bed in the evening, say: ‘I accept myself as I am,’ and let yourself feel who you are. Bring towards yourself everything you can feel in others and use it, first of all, on yourself. Then: ‘I ask for all my gifts that can be activated now to be activated’—with five to ten minutes of integration, because quality matters, not quantity. It can also be a prayer, but one arising from curiosity and openness, not begging: ‘Lord, send me people and information so I can understand myself better.’ Or ‘Dear soul, send me guidance, people and information so I can discover my gifts.’
And an old exercise of mine, with a mirror: think certain thoughts and watch how your face shows them. This is how you begin to see yourself.
Watch the livestream about empathy
Many of the women who come to my channel are warriors of light, empathetic people who resonate in the same way. If you want to go through the entire livestream, with its readings, wounds and releases, it is below. You will find all the materials for releasing bindings in the dedicated collection.
Frequently asked questions about empathy and empaths
What does it mean to be an empath?
It means you feel energies—all of them, from childhood—and have a great deal of emotional energy. You read people's states and sometimes their thoughts, go through many moods a day and look for meaning. It is not a flaw: it is a way of being, with gifts that develop as you connect with yourself.
How can I tell whether I am an empath?
Look at the signs: you feel a room's atmosphere, people's gestures tell you more than their words, you grew up feeling you were ‘too much’, felt different and recover on your own each time. If you recognise yourself in several of these, you are most likely an empath.
Why do empaths attract narcissists?
Because empaths have the most energy, and in a relationship narcissists compensate precisely for their own lack of empathy. You become empty; they never fill up. The way out is not to become hardened, but to set boundaries and stop compensating.
How do I protect myself as an empath?
Close your field, check which thoughts are yours, step out of fusion, stop taking on what is not yours, and use your energy in creativity. An evening routine also helps, with ‘I accept myself as I am’ and a request for your gifts to be activated gradually.
Is it normal to go through ten moods a day?
Yes, it is typical for an empath: you are a whole palette, not a single line. At the top of the wave, work; at the bottom, rest without forcing yourself. If a difficult state persists or disrupts your everyday life, also seek specialist support.
Is empathy a gift or a burden?
It is a gift if you own it. Within a false self, without boundaries or creativity, it becomes a burden: you give energy to everyone and receive nothing back. There is no empath poor in energy—there is energy poorly used. When you manage it, abundance begins to flow too.
I myself am only now blossoming, after leaving employment, working for myself and clearing up my relationships. So I will tell you what I said at the end of the livestream: you are absolutely fine as you are. God loves you, even if you need an initial period to believe it. Come out of the cocoon and let the butterfly emerge—until then, treat it kindly. Sending you a kiss, and I look forward to seeing you at the next livestream.
